Work, play & relationships are our 3 pillars of Life expression.
Today let’s focus on the ‘relate’ pillar.
All relations are dyads; specifically, the way in which 2 elements are connected.
To dig deeper, let’s look into the relationship with ourselves – the relationship between brain & mind – conscious & unconscious.
Let me table some thought processes worth pondering with the intent of upgrading Self connection…
Self ‘love’ takes decades – decades for the depth we should be aiming for. Patience is key.
Throughout this period, priorities & relationships may change. Not only is that ok, but it’s to be expected. Acceptance is key.
As our relationships with ourselves grow, we should be curious about the adaptations that are taking place rather than being lead by fear.
Curiosity trumps fear – the thought that in loss there is always a lesson – we should find that lesson in order to experience each change as growth, as opposed to atrophy.
Nurture – remember that relating is an outward expression. Therefore, in order for it play out efficiently we must consider the inputs – Nurture – behaviours and nourishment – ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’, etc.
Consider compassion & kindness, aka self forgiveness.
Q: “where did I learn about self forgiveness?”
Revisiting our examples or role models here might shine a more curious light on the reality of our current practices and expectations.
The aim: Practice compassion and kindness, whilst maintaining responsibility.
To my post last week; seek others who challenge AND support. Diversity wins with who we surround ourselves with.
Use pragmatism & realism, not idealism/perfectionism. The perfect version of self love doesn’t exist.
Auto revert method – put a system in place that kicks in whenever we start to become toxic or nihilistic – a mantra, symbol, family, responsibility, etc.
The incremental normalcy continuum of growth – Remember we’re going after a long term slow burn approach to a realistic level of self love, not perfection.
Plan & repeat, ritualistically. Set some time in stone to upgrade our relationship with ourselves. We should be clear on the plan here – this time must be meaningful + on purpose.
Observe over judgement – increase awareness on how we speak to ourselves. Upgrade our ability over time to speak, listen and notice ourselves at the same time – no judgement, just curious.
Selfish?
There’s a real stigma here; dig deeper into why we think the way we do about being selfish.
The rhetoric of the childhood message no doubt played a part – ‘don’t be so selfish’.
But if we agree we must start with ‘self’, then there must be an element of self-ish, so at which point is it valuable vs at which point does it start to become toxic?
“Learn more about you to make it all about them” – FFC: Module 1 – if this was of use, it’s definitely worth a look.